Friday, July 30, 2010
Whatev...
Sometimes I believe the bottom has to fall out. Everything from one way of existence has to be obliterated, your literal way of being stripped down to the bare bones, in order to build something so much grander in it's place. The taj mahal in exchange for shack. Or something like that.
I was fired last week. Not that it was the best concealed secret of the universe. Trust me, long before I faced the firing squad (pun intended)I knew I had long ago lost "that lovin' feelin'" for my job and it was only a matter of time before a parting of ways was inevitable. I guess the universe decided to expedite that departure.
I was miserable @ that fucking place. A complete automaton unable to barely have a coherent thought at the end of the day. My complacency however is a useful tool for keeping me treading in stagnant waters. A million reasons I had to stay. The pay was really good. The free health insurance. The fact that starting over doesn't really appeal to me. Etc, Etc.....Ignoring the one blatant obvious truth continually resounding in my psyche.."I need to find a way out of this place!"
So now I am out of that place. It's all at once a liberating and also terrifying new reality. One the one hand I feel like I can breathe again. On the other, I don't really know how to be unemployed. I've been working steadily since I'm 19. I've had 2 steady jobs in the interim. I haven't even been on a job interview in a decade.I can't stand not having a daily routine! It wreaks havoc with my anxiety.
I applied for unemployment, but really I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. In all honesty, life without a safety net scares the sweet baby Jesus outta me. Be that as it may, the dual side to my nature is actually pretty thrilled. I can build anything I want in this abscess. I don't have to be a drone anymore. I now have the freedom and space to create whatever I want. Now is the time for action. Now's the time for moving forward and doing something brilliant!
Until the money runs out and I need to get another bullshit job where I'm just another robot working to pay the bills...
I'll settle into a new routine
Make a new group of office friends
Find new happy hour spots
rinse wash repeat
or maybe
just maybe I could figure out what I really want to be when I grow up
and go after it
maybe now is that time....
I was fired last week. Not that it was the best concealed secret of the universe. Trust me, long before I faced the firing squad (pun intended)I knew I had long ago lost "that lovin' feelin'" for my job and it was only a matter of time before a parting of ways was inevitable. I guess the universe decided to expedite that departure.
I was miserable @ that fucking place. A complete automaton unable to barely have a coherent thought at the end of the day. My complacency however is a useful tool for keeping me treading in stagnant waters. A million reasons I had to stay. The pay was really good. The free health insurance. The fact that starting over doesn't really appeal to me. Etc, Etc.....Ignoring the one blatant obvious truth continually resounding in my psyche.."I need to find a way out of this place!"
So now I am out of that place. It's all at once a liberating and also terrifying new reality. One the one hand I feel like I can breathe again. On the other, I don't really know how to be unemployed. I've been working steadily since I'm 19. I've had 2 steady jobs in the interim. I haven't even been on a job interview in a decade.I can't stand not having a daily routine! It wreaks havoc with my anxiety.
I applied for unemployment, but really I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. In all honesty, life without a safety net scares the sweet baby Jesus outta me. Be that as it may, the dual side to my nature is actually pretty thrilled. I can build anything I want in this abscess. I don't have to be a drone anymore. I now have the freedom and space to create whatever I want. Now is the time for action. Now's the time for moving forward and doing something brilliant!
Until the money runs out and I need to get another bullshit job where I'm just another robot working to pay the bills...
I'll settle into a new routine
Make a new group of office friends
Find new happy hour spots
rinse wash repeat
or maybe
just maybe I could figure out what I really want to be when I grow up
and go after it
maybe now is that time....
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Christina Perri "Jar Of Hearts" LIVE
Sometimes dreams do come true. Apparantly Christina Perrin went from unkown musician waitressing in Melrose to overnight senesation thanks to a friend who gave her demo to producers for "So You Think You Can Dance". I love a happy ending. Ironically enough this song has not a thing to do with happy endings......
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